First and foremost————I don’t “do” coffee.

I’m not allowed.

 

It’s affect is like a drug from the seventies on me.

My family frowns on me drinking coffee (you should have seen me at tennis tournaments in Brazil!———–Woo Hoo!).

It has a bad, very bad, hyper-active affect on me.

 

But just keep that in mind for now…

**************************

I have just recently attended my necessary, annual Sports Medical Symposium for continuing educational credits.

All hail the omnipotently important CEU’s…………(continuing educational units).

CEU’s are a must in order to maintain a professional license.

You have to complete a certain amount of these little buggers on a regular basis to keep your license…

……………………So, I do.

BUT————————- after so many years………………honestly, it just gets boring and redundant.

Real Boring and Real Redundant.

 

I mean, what can really be earth-shatteringly-new after forty-plus years?——————-the ham-bone is still connected to the leg bone…

We still have two elbows…………………..ankles still sprain the same way………some more dramatically than others…

 

Concussions happen the same way they always have.  The brain was not meant to ricochet inside the skull in any fashion (even though the NFL doesn’t want to talk about it).

 

Most people I’ve ever met are still bi-peds…………………………(although some of them are certainly knuckle-draggers………………modern missing-links).

 

 

 

But, after so very many years of Athletic Training…………….there aren’t many guest-speaking physicians who have a different twist on an injury to the acromio-clavicular joint……………..and how many different ways are there to rehabilitate a torn anterior cruciate ligament?……………….I know…………….I have two artificial knees to illustrate that point…

Hydrocollator pads are still hot and ice bags are still wet & cold.

It all gets so redundant…………………..and boring………………….but I need these fabulous CEU’s!

It’s a pilgrimage of sorts…

…………………………….and so I go to various cities……………….to various hotels…………………and I drink way too much coffee to try to stay awake because I get so consistently bored……………………..and I inevitably misbehave…………(just a bit).

We’ll just blame it on the caffeine.

********************Things I do to get through the long weekends of redundant sports medical menutia.********************

 

Lots & Lots of crosswords………………I collect them for weeks ahead of time so I will have enough of them to get through the speeches………………and I cheat…………..unabashedly……………….AND I use a pen.

I text anyone I have or have ever had a telephone number for……………….again and again and again and again.

 

And Again…

 

 

It’s all fueled by too much caffeine from the readily free coffee.

And then I employ my “To Do List” of petty larceny…

***(I have rules to my petty larceny, but I’ll tell them to you later.)***

I plan on these conferences to rotate my linens and towels…………….I like hotel towels……………they are usually white………………and after all, we do live on a farm………………I always have to bleach everything to maintain a stain-free-status……………..so, colored towels just wouldn’t last here with the required bleaching (I’ve learned)…

 

White is best.             And, of course, plenty of regular bleach…

 

Then there’s the required pilfering of Bigelow Tea Bags for Mary Constance.

She’s a tea-person………….just like me (I wonder if she’s not allowed to drink coffee, too?).

Mary Constance likes Constant Comment & Earl Grey.

 

And those wooden-boxes of assorted tea bags (which are always next to my obligatory urns of free coffee) are just begging to be pilfered.

And I do…

…………………………

I’m home now………………I’ve learned that under-water, ultra-sound treatment is not as effective as we thought it was twenty years ago………………yawn…

I learned that I could sit for hours more comfortably in my blue jeans this year than I could last year, now that I’ve lost poundage…

 

And my linen closet has been rotated and looks sparklier & brighter (temporarily).

 

………and somewhere there’s video footage of an old lady with a limp, scuttling down the hallway and around the corner with an armful of tea bags and towels…….