I have to muster a pre-emptive strike.  The dust-bunnies are getting organized and hostile.  I’m sure that whole cavy-thing is starting to kick into gear—–they are planning to gnaw off one or more of my limbs at any point in time right about now.  My inabilities & lack of completing basic housework chores is becoming evident,  invasive, and a tad-life-threatening.

Last weekend I was able to temporarily balance on my new leg, while vacuuming with the longest tube I could find, in order to inhale the particularly aggressive-looking, dust-covered cobwebs dangling from the ceiling beams & lights.  They had become too militaristically organized-looking.  Again some offspring of Audrey from Rick Moranis’ Florist Shoppe comes to mind.  The plant spores must be floating around here all the time………………just waiting for their opportunity to take root & thrive.

And let’s not even get started on the toilet!

A lead-shield, goggles & gallons of Clorox are enthusiastically suggested when approaching THAT task these days!  That’s Cold War, petri-dish stuff in there!  (Normally I’ll go for generic brands in just about every product available, EXCEPT for Clorox bleach………………(and Breakstone sour cream………………………although Breakstone has nothing to do with toilet cleaning—–but it is super rich/creamy/& tasty)……………………..I don’t even know why I brought that up just now—–I digress)

One of my daughter’s friends recently had to go to Arizona on a business trip.  When she returned to Florida she complained about her chronic cough returning when she arrived at TIA……………………….trying to be maternally helpful, I suggested there was something growing in her lungs that she could have snuffed out had she stayed in the southwest just a little bit longer.  But given the quickness of her trip, she probably just made the bug a little hardier and more resistant because of her environmental jaunt…………………………………..just trying to help out here wherever I can you know……………………poor child………………….a clone-of Audrey will probably crawl out of her nose & throttle her in her sleep, no doubt………………………..sad, she was so young and had so much to offer.

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Where was I?  Oh, the toilet……………………..it’s a write-off……………..I’m sure our Home Owner’s Insurance will cancel us soon.

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I have found a myriad of chores I can do while sitting on the couch. One of the less than popular ones is cleaning out our very large RubberMaid tote box of Hurricane supplies……………….why do I have to clean out the Hurricane box you might well be asking right about now?…………………well, you see, the fun never stops here—–ever.  I don’t know why, but the lid was left off the Hurricane box and for some uncanny reason (even though there are a multitude of litter boxes in this house)———some of the kitty-kat-ums have decided to perch on the edge of said-Hurricane-box and proceed to pee in it……………………………………WWWWWWWHHHHHHHYYYYYYYY!!!!?

And did you know that batteries corrode and explode when saturated in cat urine?……………………..well they do.

I don’t know why, I don’t care why, but I DO know if I catch the individual—–SAM!!!!—–or combined individuals—–then I will find the largest gauge upholstery needle and sew up their urethra’s!!!!!!!

Another fun chore is leather treating the cushions, et. al.  So I dragged in the dusty (everything’s dusty here) gallon jug of Neat’s Foot Oil……………it smells a bit heady…………..but I don’t judge.  I started slathering it on all of the dried leather that I could find.  Did you know that the word “Neat” is an Olde Worlde expression for cattle?  So it’s oil from their compressed hooves?

Isn’t that so very close to those dog treat/gnawing things that you can buy for your dog?

How would a dog know the difference?———The answer:  They wouldn’t.  And they don’t.

———So now I’ve succeeded in making our couch and love seat very, very tasty for all of our canine friends.  It’s not just more pliably soft and more luxurious for us to sit on………..now I have to make sure that Rover and Spot don’t start confusing it with the cow hooves we have given them in the past as an okay treat for them to gnash & gnaw……………………………………..does life really have to be this confounding and hard………………….?  I was just trying to find useful things to do to keep myself busy and to feel like a contributing member of this family.

Now, I have to keep an eye on the Jack Russell…………………It’s always the Jack Russell, isn’t it?!!!………………..When in doubt———it’s the Jack Russell.

He has already been caught twice sitting comfortably on the arm of the love seat, watching T.V. while licking off the Neat’s Foot oil (which by the way stinks!).  Needless to say the next step would be for him to turn the love seat into the most expensive chew-toy……………………..it’s always the Jack Russell.

I’m just trying to be helpful here!!!!!!!

I’m being sabotaged at every opportunity!

I feel so out-smarted!