Course #101

#1.—–Don’t underestimate a dairy goat.  They are smarter than they look.  But not only are they smarter, they are connivier (that’s not a word———but they are———-and they pride themselves on “the sneak”).  And they are smarter than you think.  Many times they have proven that they are smarter than I am on my best day………….Airedale terriers and dairy goats out-smart me with regularity.  I can’t really speak from experience about Nigerian Milk Goats, or Pygmy Goats, or even that much about Boer Goats (although we do have one Boer buck named “Optimus Prime”) or meat goats in general.  But I can speak from years of experience with the standard dairy goat.  Don’t trust them.  They are not team players.  They plot while you are sleeping.  Their cloven hooves work just like they have opposable thumbs.  They can break into or out of just about any gate or fence.

Equine equals horse.  Canine equals dog.  Feline equals cat.  Ovine equals sheep.  Caprine equals goat.  And porkine equals pig.  Ha!  I just thought I would throw that in here,  just to try to seem smart……….goats (and Airedales) make me feel inferior.

#2.—–The word capricious.  Goat origin I would expect.  Defined by Mirriam-Webster dictionary as:  impulsive, unpredictable.  Yes, I would whole-heartedly agree with that.  Happy little creatures bent on making you the brunt of barnyard jokes.  I’ve even taken to putting large bells on their collars so I know exactly where they are and when they are sneaking up on me, because they do.  I swear I hear bells now while I am in the shower or while I’m at the grocery store.  Dairy goats with bells and murderous clowns are synonymous characters for nightmares.

I started with dairy goats because I wanted to avoid Monsanto’s milk additives for my children.  We already had the acquisition of Bubbly our first Oberhasli with a double mastectomy.  I decided that showing goats at the Florida State Fair would be a great family experience just full of opportunities for my children to mature and grow into wonderful & responsible & fully-faceted adults.  My very first State Fair Goat Show memories are a bit blurry now (thankfully).  I do remember Bubbly being put in the back of our Jeep Cherokee with two children in baby seats in front of her while she was tied down in the hatch-back.  (Paul subsequently referred to said-Jeep as the Goat-Mobile——because of the inevitable, lingering goat “wang”)—(“wang” can be used interchangeably with both goat flavor/taste AND goat smell.  It’s a versatile little descriptor).  While at work my husband was requested NOT to car-pool with his vehicle to lunch.  No one wanted a ride in the Goat-Mobile(?)

So at that point there wasn’t a PeeWee Class in the Youth part of the Dairy Goat Show at the Florida State Fair.  But being bombastic and larger-than-life sometimes with tendencies of not being willing to go quietly into the night…………they (the goat-show-people) decided to add the PeeWee Class.

My kids and Bubbly were in!  There were no ribbons.  There were no awards.  So I bought a bag of Tootsie-Pops and every one won!  And lo and behold, there was a full class too.  You see dairy goat showing is a family affair.  Dairy goats don’t get butchered after fair showing.  Unlike hogs or steer, dairy goats go back home and keep producing milk for their families.  You get to know the boogers, they hang around the farm for awhile, they aren’t just fattened and judged and then eaten………….harsh, but true.  So the entire family tends to come and camp out.  And, there are a lot of little tykes with the families.

So, so many families put their little ones with goats on leashes into the newly formed PeeWee class.  Talk about a photo opportunity.  So many goats running amuck.  So many videos whirring.  We have the family movies to embarrass children and show eventual grandchildren.

One of my clearer memories of that first State Fair experience was checking in with Bubbly.  Very unprofessional.  Bubbly was being choked on a dog leash.  My younger daughter was being dragged backwards in her umbrella stroller in the mud & cow flops, I had a death-grip on my older daughter’s wrist while she trudged along in her pink denim skirt and cowboy boots……………Bubbly was a good old goat.  Another memory of that Show was of the inevitable diaper changes on hay bales between goat pens & the enlisted help of my daughter’s professional/childless godparents.

My children are so marred and so are their godparents now.  Neither had any chance of normalcy after that.  No amount of MidWay fried Twinkies can make up for that experience.  (My kids did win (they all did) but mine got the chocolate Tootsie-Pops———always a priority———I made sure of that!)

And they still have the PeeWee Class in the Dairy Goat Show division of the Florida State Fair…………….they know I’m watching from behind a stack of peanut hay.

(More goat postings to come.)