We don’t have geese.

 

Nope, no geese.

 

 

We did geese a few years back.

We almost permanently lost our U.P.S. man.

He got to the point where he would toss the boxes over the fence and not venture inside the gate at all………………….and in the country you definitely need to stay on good terms with your package delivery personnel.  They are your lifeline to the mainstream world.

 

Mail-order is alive and well in the country.

I remain the catalog-queen.  From chewable Vitamin-C bottles, to West Nile vaccines, and evening gowns…………….yep, it all comes in corrugated cardboard packaging.

Hence————stay on good behavior with your mail and package carriers.

 

Therefore, no geese.

I tried a number of different breeds of geese.  I really did.  Saddle-Back (a.k.a. Pomeranian Goose), Toulouse, African Gray.

 

The only goose I’m interested in these days is Gray Goose………….and even then I’d opt for a larger quantity of a cheaper brand…………….(hey, I’m consistent at least…………….mediocre bourbon…………….mediocre vodka.)

 

All the feathery ones caused bodily harm from minimal pinches and blood-blisters…………..(you know, “getting goosed”), to them actually taking chunks off your person!……………………and, I am partial to my belly-rolls.  I don’t need them plucked at,

injured,

or reduced by the square-inch by moody honkers.

 

 

However, ducks aren’t quite so bad………………or maybe they’re just smaller.

 

We were gifted two Pekin ducks.

Two high-maintenance Pekin ducks.

 

They are loud, funny, boat-shaped, and demanding.  Oh, and they are never the least-bit constipated…………………..ever.

 

I guess their diet contains more than adequate roughage and mud-water.

 

And I would have to guess too that roughage and mud-water are the best laxatives known to mankind and duck-kind too.

 

 

Tough to market, but it certainly gets the trick done for them!

 

Just this morning, I surfed the wake of a giant duck poo in my bare feet for about half the length of our chest-freezer in the garage.

 

 

Cold duck poo.

 

 

All I wanted was some frozen vegetables.

But I got an alley-oop of a ride in sloppy, soupy, re-cycled, pond-scum, vented regurgitants.

 

 

And it was green……………..and cold.

 

 

I managed to get the okra. I managed to walk on the side of both feet to the hose……………………….and the duck darlings managed to stay out of swinging-distance……………………

This is not an odd occurrence at all in this household.  We have indoor shoes and outdoor shoes.  We constantly have tread-checks when aromas waft up from under the kitchen table that are not “indoor acceptable”.

 

 

That’s just farm life…………….(and easily scrubbable floor tiling).

 

 

When I mentioned high-maintenance……………here’s another fun example.

The duck-duo will not go into the coop by themselves after dark.

They easily walk out in the morning.  But at night they have to be found, carried back, and put into the coop and tucked in…

 

My older daughter inherited them from a groomer at work.  The groomer’s son obtained them from another family who somehow had baby ducks that they were going to “release into the wild”.

(What is it with human suburbia where they think puppies and kitties and ducklings and baby whatevers can do “just fine” in the wild—–fending for themselves.  Being one with Nature!?!)-(No—–at best they starve to death——-more often they get picked off with a slow death from hungry predators who are a little ways up the food chain!!!!!)-(DON’T GET ME STARTED!)-(We live on a dead-end road.

It’s an easy/popular drop-off-site for unwanted pets.)

 

 

IT’S A JUNGLE OUT HERE!!!!!

 

 

So this kid saved these two (glaring white) ducklings, and had them in his bathtub, feeding them multi-grain Cheerios………………..(I mentioned “glaring white” because there’s just no camouflaging that in the bushes………………I won’t even buy white chickens, for that reason.)

Can’t we all just use some common sense here?