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Well…here’s a question I recently posed to myself…..

Should I write about my colonoscopy…or should I not(?)…..

I’m sure some of my family members would say…I should not…..

…..but I hardly ever listen…..

…..so I won’t start now…..

When you get old enough…colonoscopies happen…with regularity…..

“Death Begins in the Colon”………….it was a phrase used by Ilya Metchnikov…and much earlier by Hippocrates…..

*****(Metchnikov Was Awarded the Nobel Prize for Medicine—1908)*****

I would agree with that quote…with the added addendum…that death begins in a lot of other places too…..

But for now…we’ll just go with the colon…..

Hence…the necessity for colonoscopies…..

At the starting gate…I’d like to point out…What a Freaking Roller Coaster Ride!…..

I am totally opposed to not eating solid food for AN ENTIRE DAY…..

…..they get real specific too…like no red or purple colored things to drink………….why?…..

And then that stuff they make you drink…FOUR LITERS of it!…..

…..YUCK-O!…..

One year it was pineapple-orange flavored…this year it was lemon-lime…..

Why Bother with Any flavor?…it’s yucky however they attempt to cover it…..

It tastes like somebody briefly waved a lime over a jug of oily/watery acetone…..

It’s all gag-worthy…..

…..there’s absolutely no point to any flavor…..

And then there’s the convoluted instructions…..

They kept using “Polyethylene Glycol 3350 Sodium Bicarbonate & Potassium Chloride for Oral Solution” as a proper noun………….why couldn’t they just say…”The Crap That Makes You Crap”?…..

I had to take a highlighter to the instructions…with arrows…just to figure them out…..

And then…everything (predictably) went downhill after I started drinking that elixir…..

I’d fight anyone…daughter…dog…or cat…if they got in the way of my repetitive sprint(s) to the bathroom…..

Why can’t anyone see the humor in these things?…I mean…there’s just no end to the butt jokes…right?

…..and colonoscopies are just screaming for well-timed/trite jokes…..

But Everyone Was So Serious at the hospital…they took All the fun out of it…..

The doctor looked of an age that needed baby-sitting…plus he was so officious…(I guess it’s just a matter of perspective)—(butt…the joke potentials are endless!)…..

The attending nurses were worse…the rooms were freezing…and No One would answer my pertinent (yet off beat) questions…(I swear they were well-thought out & relevant)…..

Butt………….it’s behind me now…(See…endless!)……

All’s well that ends well…(Ha!)…..

…..yep…endless…..

*****(Lots of Cited References—In Case You’re Interested)*****

…..Happy Bowels…Happy Life…..

 

 

 

 

 

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#endoscopy #colonoscopy #morsanicollegeofmedicine #universityofsouthflorida