There are a lot of skills that I don’t have.  There are a lot of things that I don’t know how to do.  I have found that the acquisition of power-tools does not necessarily mean that you know how to use them.  I have also discovered that a number of “skilled” workmen have the same tools that I do and don’t know how to use them either………………………(tools & corresponding skills are not gender-appointed).                   And MOST importantly—–an exposed, plumber’s-butt-crack is NOT a guarantee that you know what you are doing either!

Eeeeeeewwwwwwww.

Patrice has me covered in THAT department.  Over-alls are the best-invented garment EVER!  And she has sooooo many pockets.  And her hammer-loops work too!

However, I am banned by my family from using SuperGlue in public settings (multiple stories there);  plus, I am not allowed to use cutting blades on our angle grinder anymore whatsoever………………..ever again…………………ever, ever.

There is no documented reason for this………………………………….

But, they do cut—–just-like-butter……………………….just saying.

There’s just so much fixer-upping that has to happen with an extreme, fixer-upper-house.

BUT I can dream, can’t I?

The next project that needs to be tackled is enclosing the back porch. We had thought we had an experienced friend lined up to help us with this project………………………but you know that old saying………………..”the best laid plans………………..”?  Well that applies here.

So after our pre-paid friend put off the project for over eighteen months, then put our tractor’s front-end bucket through our sliding-glass door, and the expected, necessary resulting “words” ensued…………………………..move aside Robert Burns (author not tractor-driving-friend)…………………….I got work to do!………………….!

At least I can drive a tractor a little bit better.

Enter YouTube video tutorials………………..and cement blocks.

There are some elements in life you can’t do without———water, duct tape, safety pins, vats of cannoli cream, zip-lock bags (quart & gallon), permanent markers, and now I’ve added to that list…………………..cement blocks.  YouTube instructional videos should also be on that list, but they are intangible………………….so I’m leaving them as part of that “Cloud-thingie” to keep track of up there in the stratosphere.  Wait, after the vat of cannoli cream I also need to add creme-horns (a.k.a. “Lady Locks”)—–(but only the ones made with lard—–not the healthy ones).

Soooooooooo, cement blocks are needed.  Then a jack-thingie for the porch roof because the support-pillars are rotten———it might be because of people like me, that a term like—–“weekend permitting” came about in the first place, or for that matter, the existence of the Building Code Department in general.

Hey, nothing that can’t be solved with a few more hurricane-straps, some additional/well-driven spikes, and some extra cement (and Duct Tape)?…………………..and then Bob’s your Uncle…………………….where is that Bob anyway?

That’s right, he’s out in the back, helping with the tilapia tank, solar panel & pump.  What would Uncle Bob’s wife’s name be?……………….I’m thinking.  I’m thinking.  I’m thinking……………………how about “Moira”. Uncle Bob’s wife is now Aunt Moira……………………….that means fictitious Aunt Moira will have to help now too.

I just hope that she is as ubiquitously helpful as Uncle Bob.

It gives one pause, doesn’t it?  Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Enough with the pause stuff…………………………back to work……………………..what’s the name of the jack-thingie?

*****See, I’ve already done my research and they are called roof-jacks.                                                       Easy-Peezy*****

I’m thinking I will need to buy those guys and not rent them.  Knowing how long our projects take here, it will hardly be anything that I would use quickly and return promptly to Home Depot.  Maybe I should wait until after Hurricane Season before jacking up the porch roof with temporary roof-jacks………………………..but really given how rotten the existing pillars are, it might be a good thing for the porch to actually have some decent support under its roof for a change.

You know, rebars are another thing that I should put on my “Necessities for Life” list along with larded-creme-horns.  A couple rebars pounded into the cement filling the cement blocks for added stability should help things out………………..or at the very least make it more difficult to demolish after the entire project crashes into a pile of mortar-dust-debris & tears.

You see, I have to get this project done.  The porch is where I intend to work on my stained glass in the future.  I’ve kind of over-stayed my welcome on the dining room table……………………………….a bit…………..

Okay, there have been one or two resulting pieces of very sharp (pretty & colorful) glass that may have ended up on the floor (and ultimately in people’s feet) in a couple (multiple) rooms of the house (during prior projects).   My family is understandably tired of balancing dinner plates on their knees (although it’s safer that way)…………….

Now, are you really surprised that I’m just a wee-bit cavalier in my approach to cutting glass?……………………well I am……………………surprised you!

So I have the appropriate table (for the time-being).  I have my self-standing, color-coded, file cabinet of re-useable, glass-shards.  (I have my eye on a new one that is floor-to-ceiling.)  ALL I need now are permanent walls and a roof over the porch that will stay up for a little while…………………………that’s all……………..

It’s not that I’m being relegated to the porch…………………………….

Well, not really.

It’s just that it’s a better place for me………………..