I AM HOME…………………..!

I AM HOME……………….The hounds want to smell every single nook and cranny that I own.  The cats are disdainful that I left them and that I smell antiseptic.  They are still circling me aloof-ly………………….(I like that word………….aloof-ly).  Wolfhounds have very expressive eyes and eyebrows.  Even when you can only see the back of their heads it’s easy to know what they are thinking by the way their eyebrows keep tilting & moving.  Their eyebrows are telling me that I’ve hurt their feelings by abandoning them for so long and for coming home smelling like medicine and bleach.

Have I mentioned that I hate Ice (except as a chilling option for beverages).  It is cold (all the time).  It is wet (most of the time).  It puddles & trickles in its supreme-dampness.  It is always rehab-people’s go-to when trying to get you healed.  Let’s all hail the magnificent cube!!!   I could get into questioning its vaso-dilating affect after its vaso-constriction AND when it occurs AND if it’s as beneficial as “they” say………………but that would be giving Ice too much of the center stage.  And I’ve already established that this Blog is all about me.

Therefore what I choose to do is to lie about whether I Iced or not……………………of course I have…………………….with regularity……………………………….R.I.C.E. Rules!………………….(like I said, I’m not proud & I hate ice packs & I’m a lousy patient).

So………….rehab………….not so popular in my book.

“They” always include & promote Ice.  And Range-of-Motion of the joint.  And strengthening.  And full extension.   I like to concentrate on refined sugar and old movies and the couch.

I’m taking a vote.  Ice pack or cupcakes?  Come on!…………………really there ain’t no comparison whatsoever!   The real question should be—–how many cupcakes?

So I’m terrorizing the Wolfhounds with my walker.  They obviously remember previous rehabs.  They can disappear in a heartbeat when they hear the first squeal of a tire rolling towards them.  Or maybe it’s because I might have used my walker at some point in time as a projectile into the middle of a dog fight to break things up………………………..I just don’t know…………

My walker along with my potty-chair were in storage.  The walker had one of it’s tennis balls removed by a hound during my previous joint-replacement rehab.  The potty chair was ensconced up in the barn’s hayloft…………….it’s amazing what’s up there.  (When I can climb a ladder again I need to go up there just to check out what is stored there.)  They both had to be cleared and cleaned of spiders and roach casings and cobwebs………….believe me when I say I checked all the edges & corners of that seat before offering up my backside to a bite from a crawling-nasty out of the barn…………………..

I always forget not being allowed to shower for so long after a joint replacement…………………..yuck…………………..summer in Florida and no regular, thorough bathing………………………..double yuck.

I definitely qualify as a “zipper-lady” now.  I’ve got room for more tattoos on my new surgical scars…………………and yes, I will wait the appropriate amount of time for the incision to heal before inking it.  And yes, I did already ask my doctors that question.  This new one has the potential of being a nine-inch rose trellis if you squint your eyes and frame it with your fingers.

I suppose I should add a disclaimer here.  Something like:  Under no circumstances should you try any of my shenanigans at home.  It should just be left as this blogger’s poor judgement and mis-use of spare time and general disrespect of herself and immediate surroundings

There I think that covers things.

Would you believe that the first nurse that they sent to my house for post-release care was afraid of animals?  Not just dogs.  Not just cats.  ALL animals. We even warned her ahead of time what to expect.  The poor lady couldn’t understand why we had the skin of a large diamondback rattlesnake displayed by our fireplace.  She really groused about the mud too.  She was kind of rattled when she left………………She’s never returned……………………imagine that?

……………………we didn’t like her anyway.