I accumulate licenses and certifications.    I like learning new things. Usually fringe, new things……………………like the art of using a sling-shot……………..and then……………….what is the best, bio-degradable ammunition for said sling-shot…………………..I know these things now.  Yes, I do.

Usually what results from improving the compost-pile of my mind is the necessary RE-certifications.  I’m not a good patient…………….and surprise!…………….I’m not a good student.  Well, not in the traditional-sense anyway.  You know the traditional———stay seated & listen sort-of-thing……………….yep, not so good at that.

My older daughter thinks I’m an obnoxious student, my younger daughter thinks I’m great.  She’s easy to crank-up and get involved with me.  (Remember I’m a product of the ’60’s and ’70’s.  So I know all of the old “peace/love/& rock-&-roll” chants…………..I can start one of those and my younger daughter immediately chimes right in.)  But my older daughter———resists.

This becomes an issue when I drag the older off-spring with me to my various re-certification courses……………………I get bored & I want company.  So I hand-cuff her with me to a lot of them.  Over the years, she’s become quite adept, and……………………she tends to be my voice of reason and perpetually pulls my hand down when I’ve reached my quota of questions, and she keeps track of where I wander on my bathroom breaks……………………sigh………………..you just never know what you might find…………………….”just around the river bend” (a la “Pocahontas”).

So recently I had to re-certify my Massage Therapy licensure………………….don’t tell me you’re really surprised that I am a Massage Therapist.  Are you?  Really?

I’ve been licensed since?………………………forever.  And as a result I’ve been taking continuing educational credit classes since forever, too………………and so has my daughter.  We know how to poke, prod, irrigate, steam & and sluice just about everything & anything.  My daughters were organically-oiled since they first arrived here.  It’s second nature for them……………..and all of the animals too………………..all of them.

This last weekend we were ensconced in and around the Bladder Meridian———mostly.  There are quite a few other ones (Meridians) but we had the bladder one under the magnifying glass at this seminar……………….that and a little bit of concentration over to the Kidney Meridian as well…………..but, only just a little.

This wonderful little, tiny yogi was our instructor.  Actually he was phenomenal and had a great sense of humor.  We learned a lot.  He reminded me of the movie, “Lost Horizon”.  I love that movie and its philosophy of moderation……………………..moderately honest, moderately good & moderately bad……………………both movies, the old one and the re-make, are great.

Don’t get me wrong.  I know living a healthy life is a good choice………………..but let’s face it………………..I am the banana Moon-Pie person too!  (And having said that my daughter—–the strict one—–bought an entire box of banana Moon-Pies for me this last week and one for herself too———they are all gone now.)

And on the other end of the spectrum———I have been known to have turned orange on occasion because of over-juicing.  And I regularly go through my sprouting-phase.  (Right now, you should check out the top, left-hand corner of my fridge………………..there are a stack of bean & pea packets just waiting to be sprouted.)

There is always a place in my heart for mediocre bourbon and Coca-Cola……………and the world would not be a good place without Goetze’s Caramel Bulls-Eyes.

But during this course I was surrounded by unbleached-cotton, and negative-heeled sandals.  Come on!  A little polyester never hurt anybody!!!  Maybe, just try a blend every once in a while.  Live on the wild side!!!

To get the all-hallowed CEU’s (continuing educational units) for re-certification you have to sign in using your Department of Health license number.  Everyone gets one.  The longer you’ve been licensed, the lower your number……………..  Sigh  ………………….  you guessed it.  Mine was the lowest number there.      Nubile, Silly, Eco-Appropriate, Young, Massage People!

There was one angry, late, bobbed-haired, mean pixie who was angrily trying to suck something green and speckled and semi-liquid through a too-small straw from her Big-Foot, insulted mug…………………..     Actually, I’m proud to say, I had my mud drink with me.  Which is actually quite healthy—–surprisingly.  (Recipe time:  1.  Lemon Juice.  2. Apple Cider Vinegar.  3.  Diatomaceous Earth.                                                       4.  Water……………….voila………………….Mud Drink!)

(The truth of the matter is:  I would have preferred my mediocre bourbon & coke………………………but from experience, I’ve learned it shows up on my breath.)

I won’t even get into what I observed being eaten for lunches and snacks.  I think I smelled every recipe ever construed for miso and tofu and seaweed wafting through the air………………………….(I have to say it)…………………..WHERE’S THE BEEF!  Give me a good Eau de Jus wafting-ambiance!!!!!!!!  Pleeeezzzzzeeeee!  We have canine teeth for a good reason!!!!!!!

But…………..

I survived……….AND, I got my CEU Certificate!    Woot!  Woot!

I will continue to give massages to friends and family and animals———I really will………………..(just ask Long John Silver—–our handicapped Umbrella Cockatoo).  Plus, over the years because of all of the massages I’ve done (and farm work) I can now palm a basketball.  Yippee!

And now I’m good for two more years……………until my next, required re-certification…………………I really don’t massage people much anymore………………..I don’t like them………………..so, why would I willingly touch them?  And the oil?  It’s so…………..oily!

I prefer putting oil on my riding tack, not strange people………….