“Dew Point” ———doesn’t that potentially bring about imagery of an arrested second in time where the prima ballerina starts to glow with beaded sweat from her artistically expressive dance?  Or maybe that perfect bouquet of hand-collected flowers from your garden in the morning before the sun has had its opportunity to dry them.  Or that tall, ice-cube-filled, glass of sweet iced-tea with beads of condensation running down its side, handed to you by a loved one after a hard day’s work…………..

Ah, Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope……………….Dew Point is something very different.  Not artistic; Not pretty;  And Not refreshing.  Outside right now the “Dew Point” indicates that the air has so much moisture stuck in each and every one of its tiny molecules that they work like itty-bitty pitchers of water that will tip over and pour their contents onto you at the slightest provocation.  It forces every pore of your body to explode continuously with sweat………………mostly down the center of your back and under each armpit, giving you those PE-class sweat marks that are so appealing.

Dew Point coats your lungs and fills them with air that has more H2O in it than O2.  You feel like you are constantly being water-boarded by Mother Nature.  It makes the difference between a non-rainy day and a rainy day irrelevant.  I’ve also noticed that “they” never mention Dew Point in a weather report unless it’s unbearably high.  Have you ever heard a meteorologist lead with:  It’s a comfortably low dew point-kind-of-a-day.  It will leave you refreshed and energized.  Enjoy!

The weather man’s report is more like……………The dew point is unsurvivable and death from air-drowning is inevitable.  Run for your air-conditioned house.  Then from there run to your air-conditioned car and then to your air-conditioned office!  There is no hope until October.

It actually feels like you are inhaling swamp scum.  Shortly if you stand still long enough, you will start to develop moss on your northern side………..or maybe it’s just mold.  Everything gets slimy-slippery.  Sidewalks, for example, can turn into an olive-colored, ice-skating rink.  I kid you not!  We spray bleach solutions on concrete driveways and entryways.  Otherwise it’s really easy to take an incredibly unforgiving butt-drop on the green-covered cement.

Florida always looks so pretty in those air-brushed, staged postcards. It’s always the color-splashed sunset on the pristine, white beaches of endless sugar-sand…………………..hello!!!!!  Where are the postcards of cattle standing submerged in an algae-covered retention pond with egrets on their backs picking off ticks?  Or maybe postcards of jacked-up, monster-wheeled trucks/totally covered in muck while mud-bogging in a remote swamp-pit…………country music blaring from a boom-box.  Coolers of icy beer in every crew cab.  Jack lights and winches on the grills………………..

Okay, that last one actually sounds like fun.

But, there’s a big center to the state.  It’s NOT all beautiful beaches AND the sun only sets on the west side of the state.  Spoiler Alert!  Hello!!!  I’m here to tell you, Daytona Beach does not get sunsets!  There’s  a middle to this peninsula…………….and in the summer it’s a steamy, wet jungle of various green things and mud!  Hats off to the original inhabitants.  How did they survive!!!  Why did they stay?  The early house architecture had it’s logic too.  The big verandas were there to cool the air a bit before it blew through the house.  I’m still not sure if painting the ceilings of the verandas a sky-blue helped to keep the mosquitoes away, but that’s what I was told.

Did you know that’s how “hush puppies” came about too?  The kitchens were quite often separate from the house (because of the heat).  When the food was being brought up on trays for the meals, the outside dogs would try snagging some……………….so the deep-fried, corn-meal thingies were made to toss to the hounds and distract them………..hence…………….”hush puppies”.

Some words in life I think are intentionally created to be misleading.  Like “Brown Betty” or “Kitten Heels” or “Fascinators”.  “Dew Point” is one of those.  A point at which dew forms?  No.  It’s a misleading description of air that you can slice like a slab of dripping, unctuous, awfulness that is supposed to pass for air in your over-worked lungs in Florida’s summers.  It smells and feels like aged compost passing for oxygen.  You keep checking the bottom of your shoes, but it’s just Florida summer air………………